1. newcrystalcitysteel:

    it must be hard to explain puns to a kleptomaniac because they take things literally

     

  2. Anonymous said: What has caused you to hate men so much?

    claudiaboleyn:

    Funny you should ask! I’ll let you in on my origin story if you like?

    Well, once upon a time I was your average, man-loving, non-opinionated, quiet, submissive, totally sexually available young woman. I loved the dudes. I can’t tell you how much I worshipped those blokes. I couldn’t even open a jar back then. Ah, the memories. I shied from the colour blue. I refused to step into a room that contained power tools. Football frightened me into week long seclusions. Don’t get me started on the horror beer brought on. 

    And then, one night, I left my window open. It was hot, y’know? I probably shouldn’t have done it. 

    But in flew the Misandry Fairy. She was magnificent. As she fluttered into my room she left a trail of glittering misogynist tears that sparkled like diamonds. She wore blood red especially smeary lipstick, the type that scares guys and makes them afraid of kissing you, to ward them off. She had beautifully hairy legs, hairy arms, and wore high waisted shorts (which we all know is the 2014 trend men hate). It wasn’t 2014 at the time, you understand, but she’s a fairy so I assume she looked into the future to find inspiration for her particular misandric look. She was also a lesbian. Because we all know how those lesbians hate men, right? 

    "Claudia," she said to me. "It’s time to face your destiny. Inside of you is a burning misandric rage unlike anything the world has ever seen. When you wake up tomorrow, I want you opening jars left right and centre. Open so many jars that the men get jealous. Open so many jars that you and everyone around you are in danger of drowning in the contents. Keep on opening them. No matter what. Never give up." 

    I was so shocked that I did not answer. It was the middle of the night and I was unaccustomed to being visited by such wise and noble beings. 

    Before she left, she turned around in the air, her fluttering rainbow wings shining in the moonlight, and whispered: “Also, you’re queer. The Coming Out fairy was busy so I took his shift. Have a nice day.” 

    The next morning I awoke and began to carry out my purpose. From that day on, men have trembled to see me. Occasionally they whimper “don’t let her near any jars for the love of God”, but most of the time they merely scatter as I enter any vicinity I please. 

    I owe her everything. Without her, I would not be the woman I am today. 

    This story is 100% true. You can quote me on it and everything. Never let anyone tell you fairies don’t exist. They do. And they’re raging misandrists. 

    xxx

     

  3. majortwink:

    in 4th grade we were making clay pots in art and our teacher kept saying “make them thinner! those are too thick they won’t work” so we made them thinner and when she put then in the kiln they all exploded and she told us it was our fault because we made them too thin and if that doesn’t describe the school system i don’t know what does

    (via suicuneentei)

     

  4. professor-pigeon:

    I googled ‘swimming pigeon’ once and I still haven’t recovered from this picture

    image

    (source)

    (via suicuneentei)

     

  5. notimefordirtytalk:

    You know, if you watch the lion king closely, you can find a lot of simbalism.

    (Source: allyasavedthedayagain, via qjti)

     
  6. (Source: twitter.com, via wet-nightmare)

     
  7. micdotcom:

    11 ways to solve rape better than nail polish

    The more we depend on women to prevent rape, the easier it is to blame them when it happens to them. Here’s a look at the well-documented ways we can actually stop rape. Maybe it’s time we invest a little more time and resources into implementing them before we send gallons of nail polish to colleges across the country.

    Read the full list | Follow micdotcom

    (via swella)

     
  8. championcoolbreeze:

    obfuscatingdeity:

    the thing to realize here is that conservatives find the idea of paying workers a livable wage so absurd that they make hyperbolic comparisons like this

    because fifteen dollars an hour and a hundred thousand dollars an hour both mean the same thing to them; more than you deserve

    ^That commentary is very important.

    (Source: -teesa-, via swella)

     
  9. kireinahana:

    thirp:

    I don’t know why but this looks to me like I’m on an operation table receiving surgery from cats

    Nevermind this is it

    (Source: catasters, via suicuneentei)

     
  10. kireinahana:

    spoken-not-written:

    stunningpicture:

    When radiologists take a selfie

    dead

    Wait I’ve seen this

    (via suicuneentei)